Late Night

Extraordinary frustration. I don't know how I get through the day sometimes...

Do you ever leave your cell phone on all night, just in case you might get a call from someone, anyone? I know most people leave their phones on all night anyway, but you know me, I over think things... I always turn my phone off, it's kind of like my way of telling the world "fuck you, I'm going to bed and you can't wake me with your problems." Until I awake in the morning and turn it back on, I will not deal, or even think, of any of the days problems.

Which brings me back to leaving my phone on all night... I never do it, unless there's a reason. Something gnawing at the back of head as I lay in my bed, looking up at the darkness of my ceiling until my eyes adjust to the light. I can't sleep in silence, there always has to be some sort of white noise slowly reverberating throughout my room like a serene, whispered lullaby. I can't sleep in silence because there are always thoughts racing around my head as I try to sleep. Things that happened throughout the day, things I didn't think of until now. Great, what a time to be thinking of all the crap I did wrong, and what I could have done better. The one thing I don't need is another thing to think about, to worry whether someone, that one person, that one girl, will call back. Maybe even just a little text message, some acknowledgment that she is also awake and thinking of me.

So late, too late...

The morning after, you awake, realizing that at some point you did manage to fall asleep. Rushing over to the phone, not a thing has changed. Everything is as it was the day before. The problems still there, feelings still tender. I awake to the undeniable truth that I must face the day once more.