In the Pale Moonlight...

I have always dreamed of being an astronomer. Ever since that first time I watched Star Wars, and probably before then, space has intrigued me. There was this one book I remember as a child reading this one book about the planets of the solar system. In it, there was this haunting image of the vividly blue planet Neptune that dominated my subconscious thought. One of the only dreams I remember, quite vividly still, is of being lost in this unending Neptunian ocean. That was the summer I learned how to swim, so my mind was probably just making connections. However, in this dream, I remember swimming around, looking for something to grab onto, some sort of land. But I never did, and I woke up.

Indeed, when I found out that Neptune was actually just a big ball of gas, not liquid water, I was quite crushed. I guess it was one of those loss of innocence moments, finding out that I could never actually swim on Neptune. Yet, finding out that fact only seemed to spark more interest in the mysteries of the universe for me…

But, somehow between then and just recently, I must have lost my way. As I took more science classes, I began to slowly despise how these mysteries began to fade away. When I bought my first telescope (after begging and pleading my parents to get a really expensive one), and pointed it towards the moon, I was very disappointed.

Many years passed…

It must have been about two years since I actually touched my telescope. The big behemoth reflector sat right outside my room, collecting dust. Then, for some reason, I decide to haul it out, just for the hell of it.

It was a summer night, warm enough to where I could just sit outside the whole time in jeans and a T-shirt. The high school graduation ceremony only a month ago still fresh in my mind. So, in the park behind my house, I set the telescope up on this little man made hill and just gazed at the universe. It was dark enough to where I could easily see the outline of the Milky Way. I decided to point my telescope towards the planet Jupiter (I could never find Neptune…). As I located Jupiter in the sky and looked through the eyepiece, the view amazed me. I could easily see three or four of Jupiter’s moons, and of course, Jupiter itself. This one little image, beautiful in its simplicity, re-inspired my love for space.

When I look at the stars, when I think about the universe now, things are alternately simple and mysterious. When I think about all the galaxies, nebulas, black holes, etc., I realize that this is existence. Everything that we are is located here. Yet, no one can even begin to imagine the true size and scope of it all…

Of course, the main questions that pops up from there are, why is the universe here? Why is this existence? At some point in my life, I hope to answer these questions.

When I think of these questions, when I try to answer them, these are the times I feel like a kid again. I remember the times when things didn’t seem to make sense, but I could look forward to finding the answers as I gained experience. As I succeeded. As I failed. I am humbled by how much I don’t know, but very eager to learn.

Such is life, I guess; it’s not about finding the answer, rather, it’s about the voyage we go through in finding the answer. Yeah, that’s pretty vague, so what?