This College Thing... Part 3 of 3
Just vague enough to be universal...
Things are getting a little too real. Graduation is only a few weeks away. I hold in my hands the cap and gown I will wear on that day. I can see the smiling faces of crowd as I turn to look them over, sitting in the old, fading bleachers at Toomey Field. I can see myself, the morning after grad night, walking into a world exactly the same as I left it, only missing most of the people I've grown so accustomed to seeing on a daily basis, and not just friends…Just because…
I can consider myself a failure, just because I didn't get into the college of my choice. Not like I could have paid for it reasonably anyway, but still… As the rejection letters piled up, so did my anxiety. Sure, I got accepted at UCSC, but upon visiting that hallowed establishment which was the only UC to accept me, I decided this was not the place for me. So between UCSC, SFSU, and SCC, I chose SCC. Why? I don't really know. It could be because many people I know are going there. Or maybe because it is oh so much cheaper. It could be because it is much closer to home. It could be because I just wanted to answer without a doubt those prodding questions of "so, where are you going to college next year?" Anyway, it's all the same.
Back home…
I've already planned the last day of school. One class, my most boring. Physics. I get the car on that day, just to go to school for one class. Two hours, say some good-byes, then I'm done. I'll probably take a little stroll around campus just one more time, for old time sakes. Visit the table I've eaten at for the past three years. Walk by one of my favorite classes, even if the teacher doesn't even teach there anymore. Sit beneath a tree in the quad and watch the entire school go by. Maybe, hopefully, someone comes along with me, but that's a long shot. I'll get in the car, drive off, blasting my traditional song signaling the end of another school year, "Beautiful Day" by U2.
Philosophizing…
I always hear, where there's an end there's a new beginning. What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway? The past year, I've been getting to thinking that things never end. You will always feel those feelings whenever you see that one girl you've been crushing on ever since you can remember. You'll always long for the days when right after lunch you got play basketball on the blacktop. We'll hold these memories forever, and that is why this never ends. We live for recapturing that moment, maybe somewhere else, maybe right here. We will begin again, but there aren't new feelings, just vestigial emotions from the shit we had to go through last time.
…and the band played on…
I don't get emotional. It's not my thing. But if a tear manages to crease my cheek, don't take it as a sign of the apocalypse. I'll be ok, I hope.
To quote a song from that same U2 album, "It's all that you can't leave behind…"
